To Correct Or Not To Correct?

Recently, I overheard two people talk about a friend of mine, who, in their opinion, "doesn't dress modestly enough". "It's a shame, because some people like her are so nice, but they just don't dress properly," I recall. I was angry - in our small Muslim community here at Camp Hill, we should all be united and cheering each other on, not divided and judgemental! However, I am also just as ashamed of myself that I did not corrected them either. I should have stopped them backbiting, but I didn't. In the moment, I told myself to say nothing because I wasn't a part of the conversation anyway, but the more I think about it, the more I ask myself: why didn't I speak up? Was I keeping quiet for the same reason they were backbiting - fear?

We are taught that we should help guide our brothers and sisters along the right path.

Uqbah ibn Amr Ansari relates that the Holy Prophet, peace and blessings of Allah be upon him, said: "The reward of one who guides another towards good is equal to the reward of the latter." (Muslim)

This means that we as Muslims should help and advise each other on what is right and wrong. However, we all know that in the Islamic community there are many topics which are highly debated on, which are on the line between being “right” or “wrong”. So, how far is too far when it comes to informing each other on our mistakes?

It’s been mentioned before on this blog that I struggle to pray regularly. There have been a few experiences in my life where people have confronted me and told me before that I should "try harder to pray". This just made me feel like an awful Muslim. Do they have the right to tell me I should be trying harder? I’m not sure. On the one hand, I know that they had the best intentions, only wanting me to do well, but on the other hand, is it really their business? This person had no idea how hard I was already trying - telling me to “try harder” just made my current efforts feel meaningless. Praying is a personal action between you and Allah (swt) - I am not responsible or accountable to anyone telling me I should "try harder".

I think that the issue is approaching situations that may be sensitive to some. These tend to be lifestyle choices - wearing a headscarf, dressing modestly, gender roles, relationships, culture vs religion, to name a few. Once you've got the five pillars sorted, it's these individual and personal questions and choices that make Islam your lifestyle that define us as the Muslims we are and want to be. They are often hard decisions, as they tend to be linked to some controversy within the Islamic community, but they are decisions we all make on our own.

The verdict? Approach every situation with kindness and good intentions. Sensitive topics must always be approached carefully, but in my opinion, it's usually best left alone. If you do find yourself guiding someone, I think the best way to do it is to not judge a situation without listening first, and not repeat your advice. If you're receiving unsolicited advice - it does not make you a “bad Muslim”. The people informing you often mean it with the best intentions, and if they don’t have good intentions, that doesn't make them any better than you. And if you find yourself needing advice - feel free to ask around! It will always be happily given. You may feel more comfortable asking an adult you know, a friend you’re comfortable with, or even perhaps someone you don’t know. Here at ISOC, we will be providing that option for you! We will soon be starting an online Agony Aunt, for people who would like to ask advice anonymously. More details soon!

Our Islamic ummah unites us - we shouldn’t be divided by topics that are insignificant when it comes to the whole meaning of Islam. My article is not to say that we should isolate ourselves, however. Remember to keep talking and communicating with other Muslims in a thoughtful way - this is how we keep our faith alive and spread knowledge.

“Acquire knowledge and teach people. Learn along with it dignity and tranquility and humility for those who teach you and humility for those whom you teach. Do not be tyrannical scholars and thus base your knowledge upon your ignorance.” (Umar ibn Al-Khattab)

Please remember: these are my personal opinions and everyone is entitled to their own too! Let us know what you think :)