Finding Faith

I have a confession: I would not call myself a ‘religious Muslim’. It’s taken lots of practice for me to routinely pray, but I’ve always felt a deep connection with my faith. The truth is though, for a large portion of my life, I have been scared of religion - scared that I was letting it down. I always knew I could do better, that I could give more, but how do you undo a lifetime’s worth of neglect to your own cause?

Like for many, lockdown was a hectic time for me, to say the least. There were as many moments of self-discovery as there were breakdowns, but this year's Ramadan was a greatly spiritual time for me, as I found myself with a stronger faith than ever. I realised how much real life gets in the way between you and religion. All was well.

And then? Real life happened, again. Sure, I was grateful to be back in school and interacting with people again, but all of a sudden, everything became about time. A-levels seem never ending: the deadlines upon deadlines left me with just about enough time to sleep. I need to revise for the maths and economics test, and today I’ll do some art, so make sure by tomorrow you understand what neutrino is because I have no idea what a neutrino is! Oh, and I forgot to pray today. Oops.

Life was, or rather is, hectic again. I found myself praying less, and eventually, I gave up. “I’m a bad Muslim” was a phrase that played on loop in my head. I was sure there was no hope for me, I’d just be this ‘bad Muslim’ forever. I could feel the shame in every fold of my headscarf, but sometimes, guilt is enough to scare you away, not bring you closer.

Amidst this mini faith crisis, I happened to be talking to a friend who brought up the subject of praying. “Oh no”, I thought, “this is the bit where I confess and everyone forever thinks of me as a terrible Muslim”. Without her knowing about my crisis, she told me some advice that a teacher once told her: "People should base their lives around prayer, not prayer around their lives.”

In this moment, it felt like everything had fallen into place. I realised the perfect timing; Allah was guiding me back.

It’s okay to lose faith sometimes. One thing I have learnt is to never compare your religious journey to others’ - faith is a deeply personal connection between you and Allah, and no one else should ever come in between that. At the end of the day, Allah will help to guide you back, so have trust, and hold on. You will find your way again.

“…place your trust in Allah. Surely, Allah loves those who place their trust in Him.” (Quran, 3:159)

This isn’t about my religious journey, though. If you've ever felt like this, or even if you haven’t, we hope that Islamic Society will make you feel welcome. We aim to provide an open, non-judgemental community here at Camp Hill for everyone, no matter how 'religious' you would call yourself.

Welcome to Islamic Society!